College Football Cavalcade Think, Know, Believe: Talking Trash

Bob Donnan-USA TODAY Sports

College Football Cavalcade Think, Know, Believe: Talking Trash


College Football Cavalcade Think, Know, Believe: Talking Trash


College Football Cavalcade: What I think, know, and believe after Week 4 and all the strange twists and turns of this first month of the season.

College Football Cavalcade

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Sorry if this take sucks, it’s not my fault …

I still haven’t recovered from the shocking and hurtful comments made by North Carolina QB Drake Maye.

(NSFW warning …)

“Whether you want to admit it or not, growing up in Carolina, you’re gonna be a Carolina fan. Some people may say (NC) State, but really people who go to State just can’t get into Carolina.”

Oh sure, he walked it back, and he was coached to say all the right things, but that bell can’t be unrung in just a tweet.

There needs to be grief counseling, there needs to be sensitivity training, there needs to be a total culture overhaul.

How this monster is still allowed to roam the streets, much less play college football – and how Mack Brown and University of North Carolina president Peter Hans are able to keep their jobs after bringing this filth to such a fine institution – is beyond me.

Fortunately, God punished the heathen by allowing those good Catholics from Notre Dame – who would never, ever spout anything disparaging about an opponent – to enjoy some semblance of an offense for a week.

You really think THAT was a rip? I’d like to introduce you to a certain Jumpman logo from that school who took trash talk to a legendary art form.

I think … dogging your rival is the entire point of being a college sports fan.

I know … after a lifetime of living and working in and around the college space, I’ve heard them all. I can do this forever.

If you can’t get into college, you can go to (insert rival here).

You went to (insert school unnecessarily mentioned in random conversation here)? Okay, I’ll speak slower.

Why is it THE Ohio State University? Because THE America’s Safety School doesn’t fit as well on a t-shirt (or, the alternative dig, because Ohio State students need to constantly be reminded they were accepted into a college).

How do you spot someone who went to Michigan? By the trail of Ivy League rejection letters. What do all Michigan alumni have in the closet? 157 things that say Michigan and a wistful Northwestern sweatshirt tucked in the back.

Why do people go to USC? Because the University of Spoiled Children are too lazy to spell UCLA.

What does UCLA stand for? University of Common Little Adults.

What does Texas A&M stand for? A 17-14 loss to Appalachian State. (Rim shot. Or insert the latest home loss, playing on the tradition of the students standing at the ready in case they need to enter the game. I’ve heard it used by a Longhorn to an Aggie, and bad things happened from there.)

I believe … being able to set off a Texas fan by turning a hand sign upside down might be the funniest thing in all of American society.

I think … if you’re actually offended by any of that, or especially what Drake Maye said …

I know … that’s on you, and …

I believe … you’re too boring to be a part of a functional planet, much less the fun of college sports.

I think … Drake Maye has been terrific so far completing 69% of his passes for 1,231 yards and 16 touchdowns with a pick and a rushing score. He hit Notre Dame for five touchdowns.

I know … North Carolina once again seems like it has a strong team under Mack Brown, but it sort of doesn’t.

I believe … North Carolina continues to be an underappreciated college football quarterback factory.

I think … I’m going to miss the edit on his name at about a 32% clip as my computer continues to want to change Drake Maye into Drake May.

I know … I’m annoyed, because I can’t really ask my computer to learn the spelling since I’ll need to use the word May, too.

I believe … if you have the Curb Your Enthusiasm music going through your head on a constant loop, all stupid daily problems become whimsical.

I think … James Madison has to be ranked ahead of Texas A&M.

I know … Texas A&M was ranked 17th in the latest polls. James Madison received 11 votes from the Coaches and 4 from the AP.

I believe … if Team A is unbeaten and it beat Team B on the road, and Team B beat Team C – and Team A TRUCKED Team D that blew out Team E that Team C just barely got past – then of course you put Team A over Team C in the rankings. It’s just not that hard.

I think … people’s brains melt when they have to actually think about how to rank things properly.

I know … people will do anything and will buy into anything that conforms to their familiar beliefs, even when they’re probably wrong.

I believe … very few people who vote in college football polls take the time to try putting all the pieces of the puzzle together. There needs to be a way this crazy sports takes its playoff system out of the hands of a panel of judges. Which is why …

College Football Week 4 Roundup
CFN 1-131 Rankings | Bowl Projections
Week 4 Scoreboard | Week 5 Early Lines
What 12-Team Playoff Would Look Like
Hot Seat Coach Rankings | AP Rankings | Coaches Poll

I think … the 12-team College Football Playoff idea would make this season a whole lot more fun than it already is with more teams, more bases, and more casual fans involved.

I know … it wouldn’t diminish the rivalry games and big matchups like the old timers think it would. On the flip side, an expanded College Football Playoff will make them bigger.

I believe … 15 minutes after the expanded College Football Playoff is in place, everyone will wonder why it wasn’t done a gajillion years sooner.

I think … the Ohio State all-black uniforms were sad. It looked like Utah was playing Wisconsin.

I know … the Ohio State normal kits are fantastic.

I believe … in 99% of all cases – Ohio State being in the 1% – if you need an outfit change to make your team better at a sport, you already know your answer.

I think … DJ Uiagalelei has – potentially, and with work – No. 1 overall NFL Draft pick upside and talent.

I know … I’m in a room by myself with people who agree with that assessment.

I believe … he’s going to be one of those quarterbacks who rises up and rocks with one more year of seasoning. Some guys just need the time and the live reps for everything to slow down to a stop. EVERY senior college quarterback remarks about how night-and-day easier the game becomes at 22 than it was at 19.

I think … a quarterback mistakenly stepping out of the back of the end zone for a safety isn’t particularly interesting or embarrassing.

I know … I’m in a DJ Uiagalelei Is Great lonely place with that.

I believe … field position and tactics-wise, it’s not necessarily the worst thing in the world to suck up the 2 and flip the field back around. Obviously you don’t want that, but it’s not necessarily a killer unless you lose by one like San Francisco did.

I think … Kansas being 4-0 is one of the best college football stories in a long time.

I know … Lance Leipold is one of those head coaches who, if all things were equal, could take his and beat your and yours and beat his.

I believe … Nebraska, Arizona State, Georgia Tech, and others will come calling soon.

I think … the Arizona State job is better than the Nebraska job.

I know … recruiting area, market size in an NIL world, and overall expectations with time to build will matter.

I believe … I can’t get there with Georgia Tech being as big of a sleeping giant as Arizona State, but there are a whole lot of positives about that gig to flip it around sooner than Geoff Collins was able to.

I think … I have no freaking clue how to make Nebraska amazing again.

I know … Notre Dame, USC, Texas, Tennessee, Miami, Florida State, Michigan – it’s next to impossible to recapture the magic like fans remember.

I believe … it takes a whole lot of dumb luck to hit the perfect blend of the right coach, the right administration, and the right infrastructure. There was a time when it was hardly a given that Alabama and Ohio State would become this.

I think … I’m loving this start to the 2022 season. Bring on more upsets, more twists, and more zaniness.

I know … how this all ends, though.

I believe … SEC powerhouse vs Ohio State for the national championship. And America yawns.

I think … I know it’s all going to be okay.

I know … I believe it’s all going to be okay.

I believe … I think it’s all going to be okay.

College Football Week 4 Roundup
CFN 1-131 Rankings | Bowl Projections
Week 4 Scoreboard | Week 5 Early Lines
What 12-Team Playoff Would Look Like
Hot Seat Coach Rankings | AP Rankings | Coaches Poll


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