The Anti-SEC Expansion Conspiracy Theory FiuAnon Movement: Daily Cavalcade

Jason Getz-USA TODAY Sports

The Anti-SEC Expansion Conspiracy Theory FiuAnon Movement: Daily Cavalcade

College Football Cavalcade

The Anti-SEC Expansion Conspiracy Theory FiuAnon Movement: Daily Cavalcade


College Football Daily Cavalcade: Really? You think Texas and Oklahoma are leaving for the SEC? Join the FiuAnon conspiracy theory movement.

College Football Daily Cavalcade: The Anti-SEC Expansion FiuAnon Movement

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Sorry if this take sucks, it’s not my fault …

I still don’t fully believe Penn State is in the Big Ten, either.

Because it seems like SO much fun and all the followers look SO cool …

I’ve decided to become the leader of my very own conspiracy theory.

Like all successful conspiracy spreaders, I don’t actually believe the hoo-ha I’m about to unleash upon the world, but so what? It’s way past time to take advantage of the zombified for my own personal gain – even though I’m not entirely sure how to capitalize on this.

In every way possible I need a movement …

America, welcome to the FiuAnon anti-SEC expansion conspiracy theory.

I’m just asking questions, like …

Are you really so sure that Texas and Oklahoma are going to the SEC?

Do you really think two of the most financially successful athletic departments in American college sports are willfully choosing to spend the rest of eternity as also-rans?

Oh you and your “facts” and your “reporting” and your “sources” and your “truth” … go ahead and believe all of that you lost little lambs. You’re just denying what you know is true. Think about how crazy this all sounds.

You actually believe that these two schools have the ability to collude on anything, much less on a deal that might wreck the college revenue model curve?

Really? These two? Texas and Oklahoma?! The schools that go batspit insane over whether or not a 1980s hair metal concert hand gesture is up or down?

Okay, so let’s assume you buy that Texas and Oklahoma – again, these two? – were able to hold hands and leave a conference they almost literally own. You’re cool on the SEC’s vehement stance that it didn’t do anything to help make this happen?

So two smoking hot schools swiped right and the SEC had no choice but to accept, because who wouldn’t? And if that’s not the case …

You don’t think this is some master plot by ESPN in an attempt to get its product into every home, on every phone, on every TV, and …

Wait … what? ESPN is already on every device you own, providing a non-stop feed of relevant updates and programming? Oh this is far, far worse than I could’ve imagined.

Let me ask you this. Did you hold, feel, or touch the actual letter from Texas and Oklahoma requesting admittance into the SEC, or was it just some phony-baloney social media GIF, or JIF, or maybe one of those TikTok things the kids are all talking about?

And just to throw everyone off the scent, what about that “letter” from Big 12 Commissioner Bob Bowlsby alleging impropriety in the process? Obviously it’s the work of a Russian expansion farm, or aliens, or some other bad actor. How do we know? The signature was the tell.

Nice try, Товарищ.

And now we’re supposed to believe that the American Athletic Conference might try grabbing the remaining Big 12 schools? (Painfully outdated reference alert.) You think you’re going into Moe Greene’s hotel and take over? The Big 12 buys the AAC out, the AAC doesn’t buy out the Big 12.

At least pretend to make it look good. If it was the ACC possibly looking to expand with the Remaining 8, that would work. But once again the players behind the scene got sloppy by pushing the envelope too far, and …

All goofiness aside, there’s one part of this puzzle I really am a bit leery about.

It’s still Texas.

That school with that alumni base is giving up all the power and all the autonomy and all the status just to be another banana in the SEC bunch? Apparently so, but this all went a bit too smoothly for a program that’s not exactly known for doing the socialist share and share alike thing.

Of course I really do believe Texas and Oklahoma will end up in the SEC, with the TV, streaming, and buyouts all quickly hammered out. I’m sure this will all kickoff the 2022 SEC season once the execut…

NO! NO! STOP! Of course I don’t believe any of that! I was able to break away for just a moment from the same forces that got to a broken Texas A&M and coerced it to vote YES on Texas inclusion. FiuAnon can’t be stopped. It can’t be muzzled … oh no … anything but PLEASE don’t play “Only You” again (seriously, Gangs of London, binge with the whole family) … FiuAnon will resist being overrun by those ma… S-E-C S-E-C S-E-C S-E-C S-E-C S-E-C S-E-C S-E-C IT JUST MEANS MORE IT JUST MEANS MORE IT JUST MEANS MORE IT JUST MEANS MORE TRUST TEBOW IT JUST MEANS MORE IT JUST MEANS MORE IT JUST MEANS MORE IT JUST MEANS MORE IT JUST MEANS MORE


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