College Football Cavalcade: Nick Saban, Postponed Games, What Bowls Should Do

Gary Cosby Jr/The Tuscaloosa News via USA TODAY Sports

College Football Cavalcade: Nick Saban, Postponed Games, What Bowls Should Do

Cavalcade of Whimsy

College Football Cavalcade: Nick Saban, Postponed Games, What Bowls Should Do

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What I think, know and believe about the college football world, Nick Saban’s health, what bowls should already be doing, and postponed games, all in the latest College Football Cavalcade.


Sorry if this column sucks, it’s not my fault …

Over the last few weeks the column didn’t wear the mask over its nose and utilized a totally worthless face shield with an opening on the bottom. Last week it employed a useless neck gaiter, and there wasn’t any social distancing, so the SEC fined it $100,000. This week’s effort is far more responsible.

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Check out all the past Cavalcades

What Bowl Games Should Do
I Think, I Know, I Believe
5 Footballey Opinions
Sure-Thing Picks of the Century

BREAKING NEWS …

Nick Saban tested negative a third time for the coronavirus and was on the sidelines for last week’s win over Georgia.

Seriously asking, how many takes were thrown out before settling on that as the AFLAC ad?

While the odds might be overwhelming that a person won’t die from being infected by COVID-19, the research is starting to trickle out that you and your vital organs really don’t want this thing no matter what.

So when it comes to people getting this, it’s not the time to try making funny happen.

Nick Saban is a football coach.

It doesn’t matter how many times his teams have beaten your team, or how surly he is, or how single-minded his focus might be. It’s not kosher to do anything but wish him good health going forward while hoping everything really is fine.

These coaches – like Saban, Les Miles, and to a far lesser age extent, Jeff Brohm, Dan Mullen and Mike Norvell – are older. They have families. They’re just goofy football guys with outsized importance because they coach a silly sport.

No matter how tired you are of losing to someone, don’t be an obnoxious dillhole if a fellow human is hit with an infectious disease.

Or, tell the coaches they have to answer a question about anything other than football if they don’t comply

Who wants the COVID-19 outbreaks to stop in both college football and the NFL?

You said yes, but I don’t quite believe you. Let’s try this again.

Who wants to stop teams from getting this? Are you done with teams having to postpone games and change around schedules and plans to get a season in?

You have to hit football programs – both college and pro – where it really hurts.

Football people and coaches don’t care about money – fines aren’t going to work. They care about two things: 1) being able to do the football stuff, and 2) wins.

Absolutely nothing else matters to football coaches, and if they say otherwise, they’re totally lying. You don’t get to become an elite football coach without sacrificing in just about everything else that normal people hold dear. You have to ma….

BREAKING NEWS …

Nick Saban tested negative a third time for the coronavirus and was on the sidelines for last week’s win over Georgia.

Frightfully sorry, sir. ESPN and the other sports networks are required by law to update you every 45 seconds or so on the condition of Nick Saban’s availability to coach against Georgia, and the glitch somehow seeped into the column.

Where was I? Let me try this one more time. Do you really want to stop the virus from being an issue for football teams? One word …

Forfeit.

Here’s how it works. Everyone gets independently tested, and if three or more players, coaches and/or staff members test positive, the program gets put on hold in case there were false positives. Then you independently test again, and you wait until the last possible moment to make sure the results were accurate, and if they were …

Forfeit, and the players or coaches who test positive – after a third time to make sure there isn’t a false result – are done for the season, no wiggle room.

No postponing games. No shuffling around everyone else’s schedule. No trying to be all philosophical or understanding. Forfeit. Loss. Loser. On the record forever, can’t make it up, nuclear button is pressed.

Believe you me, you throw it out there to any head football coach that positive tests equal a loss, and you watch just how fast all that (bleep) gets locked down triple hard, and

BREAKING NEWS …

Nick Saban tested negative a third time for the coronavirus and was on the sidelines for last week’s win over Georgia.

CRAP, sorry. I’ll get that fixed.

No one likes to talk about it, but even the most player-friendly head football coaches have total authoritarian rule.

You don’t like it, Player X? Fine – that’s totally cool. Opt out. Go do something else. Your coach isn’t going to risk forfeiting a game because you want to take your girlfriend to Applebee’s.

You don’t like it NFLPA? Hey, we’re all just trying to protect your guys.

Enough with the nice-nice when it comes to this thing. Dangle the forfeit word over everyone’s heads, and this thing is solved toot-sweet.

What Bowl Games Should Do
I Think, I Know, I Believe
5 Footballey Opinions
Sure-Thing Picks of the Century

NEXT: How the 2020 Bowl Season Should Work

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