This week’s reason I should be the SEVENTH prognosticator on the set of the new FOX College Football Pregame thingy …
I managed to hold my tongue – and my tweets – when it came to friends and social media types who uttered things like “that makes you think,” and used the word “tragic” when hearing about a 75-year-old man who died from a heart problem.
With that said, having grown up listening to The Cars, if you’ve never heard them before or haven’t given them a spin since 1984, few bands from the era translate better to the new world of improved headphones and technology. If you remember hearing them on lousy car stereo speakers, try again now with your AirPods.
The sure-thing, 100%, rock-solid lock, sell the house, sell the kids, no doubt about it picks of the century for this week
PICK SO FAR: 11-6 SU, 7-10 ATS
0-5 against the spread. 3-2 straight up. All I have to say, is Maryland, for the love of GOD, work on your goal line offense.
And Iowa winning by one when it was at -1.5 or 2 … that’s just not fair. But there are no excuses for having 12 men on the field for these selections. I need to rally, so I’m going to do what you’re not supposed to and chase. I’m supersizing the mother(bleep)er to get back in the game.
Fortunately, these picks are all correct.
– Syracuse -5 over Western Michigan
– Wisconsin -3.5 over Michigan
– Cal +2.5 over Ole Miss
– Texas A&M -4 over Auburn
– TCU -9.5 over SMU
– North Carolina -3 over Appalachian State
– Charlotte +41 over Clemson (but Clemson straight up)
– Southern Miss +39 over Alabama (but Alabama straight up)
– Washington State -17.5 over UCLA
– Notre Dame +13.5 over Georgia (but Georgia straight up)
C.O.W. shameless gimmick item …
The weekly five Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world
5) Overrated: The unwavering belief that someone in the NCAA actually gave three seconds of thought about whether or not this is a violation.
Underrated: Sometimes, college football gets things really, really right.
4) Overrated: Citadel 27, Georgia Tech 24
Underrated: Not only are you the lone Power Five team to lose to an FCS team this year, but YOU, OF ALL PROGRAMS, LOST BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T STOP THE TRIPLE-OPTION.
3) Overrated: Preaching lots and lots and lots of patience for the Clay Helton era
Underrated: 11 of the top 12 USC tacklers are underclassmen being seasoned for Urban to come in and rock right away.
2) Overrated: LIMU emu
1) Overrated: All knockoffs of Miami’s Turnover Chain, except for my idea of the Turnover Turnover. As a reward for taking the ball away, a delightful array of piping hot cherry, blueberry and apple streusel turnovers are distributed on the sidelines for all to enjoy … wait for them to cool!
Underrated: Akron’s Takeaway Pencil
Sorry if this column sucked, I wasn’t my fault …
Even when everything is going wrong and you see no possible hope of ever breaking out of your desperately dark and devastating world, just remember, if you keep trying your best and continue to persevere, things will continue to get a whole lot worse …