Cavalcade of Whimsy: The Great Jalen Hurts, Crazy Coaching Hires, Dumb CFP Debate

Cavalcade of Whimsy: The Great Jalen Hurts, Crazy Coaching Hires, Dumb CFP Debate

College Football Cavalcade

Cavalcade of Whimsy: The Great Jalen Hurts, Crazy Coaching Hires, Dumb CFP Debate

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We’re not paying you to coach, we’re paying you to leave

Let me begin by saying that I hope that everything about to be written eventually gets thrown back in my face. I root for success and want to see fans and teams have fun. With that said …

There are some next-level wackadoodle things happening among this latest round of coaching hires.

Before you get grouchy about anything happening in the next several paragraphs; I’ve been spectacularly wrong before when it comes to takes on new head coaches.

“You’re Oklahoma; you mean you can’t get anyone better than this Stoops guy?”

“(insert Rick Neuheisel and Dan Hawkins here) is the perfect fit for (insert UCLA and Colorado, respectively, here).”

However …

What the hell are you doing, North Carolina?

I get that Kansas is trying to go from miserable to okay, and Les Miles is a great hire for that, but UNC should have its sights set higher than pushing for 8-4.

There’s a chance the program gets to an ACC Championship under Mack Brown, but really, what are we doing here? Good dude, terrific figurehead, but … you have seen Texas try to bounce back over the last several years, right?

Texas Tech, you got rid of a guy who’d still be your head coach if he didn’t lose his top two quarterbacks at the worst possible time, and now, new USC offensive coordinator Kliff Kingsbury is one decent season away from being the hottest prospect on the market. That includes the NFL.

For a fan base that was gearing up for the possibility of Dana Holgorsen … Matt Wells?

From what I hear he’s a great guy, and I hope it works, but give Kingsbury the 2018 Utah State schedule of junior high and intramural teams and he’d have gone 10-2, too.

Louisville, you’re the equivalent of the guys out there who now think they have a shot at Cardi B.

What about “you’re not a big enough gig for Jeff Brohm” didn’t you get? You know what is? The Jacksonville Jaguars. However, UofL, Appalachian State’s Scott Satterfield is more than a decent consolation prize.

Ohio State … YOU’RE OHIO FREAKING STATE. You could’ve had anyone you wanted outside of the Nick, Dabo, Jimbo kids at the cool table.

What are you doing giving Ryan Day a five-year contract NOW? And don’t say it’s because of recruiting – that belittles us both. If he goes 9-3 and loses to Michigan at any time over the next few seasons … you need me to finish that?

And finally, Maryland.

There are countless stories of coaches who failed at one place and became legendary somewhere else.

Mike Locksley was just named the nation’s top assistant coach for his season as the Alabama offensive coordinator. He’s a brilliant recruiter, is locked into the Maryland recruiting area, and he should boost up the talent level right away.

And he went 2-26 in just over two seasons at New Mexico – along with a little kerfuffle during the tenure – and went 1-5 as the interim head man at Maryland in 2015. At the very least, this isn’t going to be boring.

With all that said, watch out for Mike Houston at East Carolina. FCS national champion-good at James Madison, he was a nice get for the Pirates.

Central Michigan landing Jim McElwain flew under the radar, but was a strong hire for the program, and let’s just see what Mel Tucker can do bringing a defense to Colorado.

NEXT: The greatness of Jalen Hurts

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