Cavalcade of Whimsy: The Big Ten's Very Bad Day ... And Why It Doesn't Matter

Cavalcade of Whimsy: The Big Ten's Very Bad Day ... And Why It Doesn't Matter

Cavalcade of Whimsy

Cavalcade of Whimsy: The Big Ten's Very Bad Day ... And Why It Doesn't Matter


The bad day for the Big Ten, awful day, the Notre Dame potential, and the big things to take away from Week 3 … in the Cavalcade of Whimsy.


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Sorry if this column sucks, it’s not my fault …

Mia Khalifa started a GoFundMe page to buy it out after it starts worse than Florida State’s season under Willie Taggart.

“What are you going to do today, Napoleon?”

Aw poop …

I had September 18th in the Bus Toss The Mrs. raffle.

I would’ve won a pony.

All that’s missing is the “Homina Homina Homina” thought bubble over his head … 

– From an offended sensibilities standpoint, isn’t there someone at that Ohio State University thing who knows how to teach public relations and/or crisis management? Isn’t there someone available to coach up the head man?

For example, 1) you never, ever, ever fold your arms when being asked a difficult question – it looks like you’re holding something in.

2) DON’T SWAY. It’s an anxious flight response. Stand still. Stand firm.

Basically, this is Press Conference Body Language 101 What Not To Do …

And on the flip side – context and controversy aside – in terms of decisive tone and body language at a press conference, Michigan State head coach Mark Dantonio absolutely nailed it last January …

As detailed in this 2006 story – check out some of the top recruiting names – Meyer was at the forefront of how to dominate the recruiting world by text. Like the rest of us who deal with a bajillion of these things a day, if he said he texts so often that he deletes messages to manage storage space, it would’ve totally worked. I’d have bought that one.

– And after all of this. After this great, big, giant, icky mess – considering the suspension is over, and he totally won – all he had to do was repeat over and over and over again: “We’re on to Tulane.”

NEXT: This column blows …

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