Cavalcade of Whimsy: College Football Playoff Edition. Who’s No. 4 & Who HAS To Be No. 1?
It’s College Football Playoff season … yippee! Who has to be in the top spot, and who’ll be No. 4?
Cavalcade of Whimsy: Oct. 31, 2017
Sorry if this column sucks, it’s not my fault …
I’m not exactly sure when it was that the column received death threats, but it happened in the past. There are a lot of angry people in this business, and the column is the one you take shots at. That’s the way it is. When you look back, I’ve made mistakes, and yet I stand by everything that occurred. It is what it is.
And then, the Cavalcade of Whimsy underwent a seven-hour procedure to remove the nuclear wedgie applied by Georgia.
Florida’s cause for firing him without paying the buyout? Lack of White Strip usage
You suck at this whole hiring coaches thing.
You got it right twice at an all-timer of a level, but you should only get partial credit for Steve Spurrier.
The Ball Coach was the obvious guy at the obvious time. The Heisman-winning son came home after winning part of an ACC championship at Duke. It’s not like you had to work for it.
Yeah, Spurrier was the school’s greatest head man, but he only won a national title because Arizona State couldn’t stop getting flagged for pass interferences trying to cover David Boston in the 1997 Rose Bowl. The other guy gave you two.
You nailed it cold with Urban Meyer – problems and all.
Other than that, hiring football coaches is, apparently, hard for you.
Ray Graves was solid in the 1960s – and he didn’t win any SEC titles.
Doug Dickey is a College Football Hall of Famer – for what he did at Tennessee.
Galen Hall was great in the 1980s – up until the NCAA had something to say about how the sausage was made.
Just about every other decent Florida coach did his thing before 1925, which means that over the past 95-or-so years of Florida football, technically, Jim McElwain – with no sanctions and two trips to the SEC Championship in three years – could make a case for being the school’s third-best head coach.
You don’t need a committee. You don’t need to drop dough on some dopey search firm. Dan Mullen is the easy choice, or Scott Frost, or D.J. Durkin.
Don’t overthink this, and you’ll be fine.
Love & Smoochies,
Test No. 2: Did you all stay up and watch USC vs. Arizona State until around 2 am ET?
I want to have faith in you, College Football Playoff committee.
You rocked my belief system after you royally screwed up last year by leaving out Penn State and picking both Ohio State and Washington – either the Nittany Lions, two losses and all, should’ve been in over OSU by winning the head-to-head along with the Big Ten title, or it should’ve been in over a Washington team that beat NO ONE.
And now I need you to show me, and the rest of a skeptical world thirsty for love and justice, that you have your (bleep) together.
I just need to see one thing to know you’ve got it.
College Football Playoff committee, you had better rank Georgia ahead of Alabama.
This isn’t about whether or not Alabama is the better team – I think it is, but that’s my guess. I’m saying that there’s no reasonable explanation – going by the criteria of the rankings over the past three seasons – to put it ahead of the Dawgs at the moment.
Going back to the BCS world, it’s Year 15 of my Lionel Caffey line. It’s not about what I believe, it’s about what I can prove.
Eye test? Alabama obviously passes, and so does Georgia, with seven blowout wins by 21 points or more. Five of Alabama’s wins were by three touchdowns or more.
The close call? Georgia beat Notre Dame – who you’re probably going to put at No. 3, at worst – by one in South Bend. Alabama was just okay against a Texas A&M team that just got housed by Mississippi State.
Schedule? Everyone hates the NCAA system of opponent wins and losses, but it takes out all the weird metrics and the breaks even out over the long haul of the season. Alabama’s schedule is 83rd, and Georgia’s is 32nd.
Again, schedule? Alabama has beaten three teams – Fresno State, Colorado State, and Texas A&M – who are locks to go bowling. Okay, Georgia has three, too – Appalachian State, Notre Dame and Mississippi State – but the last two are better than all three of Bama’s big wins.
So I don’t want to hear some stammering, “uhhhhh, we think Alabama is better,” explanation. I want a reason.
Georgia, Alabama, Notre Dame. That has to be your top three, and I wouldn’t argue if you put the Irish ahead of the Tide. Now … No. 4?
One through three is easy, but to go Mo, it’s Fo, Fo, Fo …
It doesn’t really matter other than for the fun theoretical exercise, but who should be No. 4?
Assuming Alabama, Georgia and Notre Dame are the top three in some way, there are really only three decent options for the fourth spot.
No, not Wisconsin (no schedule) and no, not Miami (too whatever against whatever teams). At the moment, it’s between …
Ohio State. Pros: Beat Penn State; ripped through better-schedule-than-given-credit-for; eye-test and talent.
Cons: Lost at home to Oklahoma by a lot; should be punished for kicking off to Saquon Barkley; should be punished further for the uniforms vs. Penn State
Oklahoma. Pros: Baker Mayfield was the best player in college football over the first eight games; beat Ohio State in Columbus; great O
Cons: Lost at home to Iowa State; defense stinks; Mayfield tried to plant a flag in Field Turf
Clemson. Pros: Beat Auburn, Louisville, Boston College, Virginia Tech, Wake Forest and Georgia Tech, and all are probably going bowling; the D line sitting on Auburn’s head was probably the most impressive defensive performance of the year; Dabo was cool after Syracuse loss
Cons: You don’t lose to Syracuse; offense hasn’t exploded lately; sad that Deshaun Watson isn’t at quarterback anymore.
Best Guess? It should be Clemson, but the Ohio State win over Penn State will get the love.
R-E-L-A-X … easy for him to say now
Don’t get all crazy about this.
I will, because that’s what I do, but remember that this will all change in a big, big way over the next few weeks.
The first rankings last year? Alabama and Clemson were 1-2, then Michigan, and then …
Washington was fifth, Ohio State sixth, and Penn State was 12th.
The 2015 first rankings were Clemson, LSU, Ohio State and Alabama. Michigan State – who lost to Bama in the Sugar – was seventh. Oklahoma – who lost in the Orange Bowl to Clemson – was all the way down at 15.
And 2014? No chance you’ll remember this … No. 1 Dak Prescott and your Mississippi State Bulldogs. FSU 2, Auburn 3, and Ole Miss 4.
Oregon – who ended up beating Florida State – was fifth, Alabama was sixth, and eventual national champion Ohio State was 16th.
“In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey/
Butane in my veins so I’m out to cut the junkie”
Hey, 418 passing yards and a good fight? Good enough for my tastes, Kansas, but the 30-20 loss to Kansas State means that head coach David Beaty is now 3-29 as the Jayhawk head man.
I started this two weeks ago, setting the over/under on points Kansas would lose the final six games by at +190.5.
After the ten-point defeat, now it’ll take Baylor, Texas, Oklahoma and Oklahoma State to combine to beat the Jayhawks by 138 points to hit the mark – that’s an average of only around 34.5 points per game.
Five Cavalcade of Whimsy footballey opinions and, like, other stuff
Five conversation starters at your next dinner party, and/or to impress that special someone at the right moment …
5. Josh Allen
There’s a reason why NFL scouts are wetting themselves over a guy who just hasn’t been all that great at college football. You didn’t watch the 42-3 win over New Mexico – Allen threw for 234 yards and four scores, and ran for 20 yards and a touchdown.
Some guys just make it look so, so easy. Roger Federer, Klay Thompson, or to go older-school, the way baseball people got all weird watching Will Clark swing a bat.
Yeah, it was a wide open receiver, but just look at where Allen throws this from and how effortless the laser beam is …
4. Gary Andersen
Even after they leave – for whatever reason – all ex-coaches seem to be legitimately happy for any success the kids they recruited, coached, and worked with end up enjoying. But it still has to suck.
That Oregon State team wouldn’t have been able to stay within four scores of Stanford a few weeks ago. Last week, Andersen was gone, and the Beavers almost pulled off a stunner.
It must feel like seeing your ex-wife dating someone else … well.
You want to know who’s ruining it for everyone else? UAB.
This program didn’t completely go away, but it stopped doing that playing football thing for a few years. It didn’t have a lineup, recruiting was – for the most part – about getting whatever guy who wanted to come to the school anyway, and there were no expectations whatsoever.
And it’s UAB. It’s not like this was a juggernaut before the school decided to shut things down.
Now it’s 5-3 after a blowout win over a Southern Miss team that should’ve been deep in the hunt for the Conference USA title.
With doormats Rice and UTEP still to play – along with road games against UTEP and Florida – the Blazers are going to go bowling.
2. Josh Rosen … be that guy
Alright, Josh Rosen. You’re known as being among the more thoughtful, smarter superstars. You seem to get the big picture as well as anyone, and you see through all the bullspit and hypocrisy of the big-time college athletic machine.
So why are you risking your future by playing for a team that’s going absolutely nowhere?
You just got knocked out of a game with a hand injury, and you’re still going to have to deal with Utah, Arizona State, USC and Cal bouncing you around. Yeah, you don’t want to let your teammates down, but this is bigger than that.
Unless you’re Colin Kaepernick, the NFL will get past anything when it comes to QBs. And it’ll especially get over a difference-making franchise quarterback deciding he’s ready for the NFL Draft right now and is done with college football.
1. Sam Darnold … staying?
It’s okay, Cleveland. He’ll still be there.
Remember, these are young, competitive guys. So when Sam Darnold gets beaten up in a horrible loss to Notre Dame, of course he’s going to think he needs more work and should stick around. He’s just the type of guy who’ll blame himself for a loss like that and hope to make amends.
And then the next week he’ll throw for 266 yards and three scores in a blowout win over Arizona State.
Darnold still needs a LOT of fine-tuning, but he’s still it. In a league that’s starting guys with the last names of Kessler, McCown, Siemian and Moore, Darnold will be just fine.
This week’s reason why Nick Saban didn’t suspend me for the season opener against Florida State …
Apparently, the Bama ball coach “could care less about the (College Football Playoff) poll,” which technically means he cares about the CFP poll, which means he doesn’t care so much about anything I’m doing. It’s just that sort of lack of focus that’s going to cost the Crimson Tide a national title. #TrustTheProcess
The sure-thing, 100%, rock-solid lock, sell the house, sell the kids, no doubt about it picks of the century for this week
PICK SO FAR: 43-19 SU, 32-28-1 ATS
We had what is known in the business as a “rough patch,” thanks to Will Grier’s desire to keep giving the ball to Oklahoma State, Cal deciding it doesn’t really feel like going bowling, Utah being the one team that can’t handle Oregon right now, BYU figuring out how to score, and Indiana figuring out how to clunk.
I wanted to make it interesting – I was tired of winning. Fortunately, I’ll make it up to you with this …
– Utah -6 over UCLA (oh yes, I’m diving right back in)
– Clemson -7.5 over NC State
– Arizona State -4 over Colorado
– Georgia State -3.5 over Georgia Southern
– Notre Dame -13.5 over Wake Forest
– Fresno State -15 over BYU
C.O.W. shameless gimmick item …
The weekly five Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world
5) Overrated: Cheese under the burger
Underrated: Cheese on top of the burger
4) Overrated: Every holiday song ever made
Underrated: “Halloween” by Siouxsie and the Banshees
3) Overrated: Weening my freshman year roommate off of Billy Joel and Paula Abdul by putting on a continuous loop …
Underrated: “(Every Day Is) Halloween” by Ministry
2) Overrated: Taking the opening kickoff for a score and running for a 23-yard touchdown
Underrated: Other than the one scoring dash, 20 carries for eight yards.
1) Overrated: Josh Adams
Underrated: The Notre Dame offensive line
Sorry if this column sucked, I wasn’t my fault …
If it had beaten Georgia 42-7, it would still be your head football column at the University of Florida.